What a ride

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With so many twists and turns it is almost unbelievable. I wish I had documented my journey earlier via this blog. The idea had been there long before, but back then I was just blown by the wind left and right and held myself with only one finger on that street pole.

While I am writing this my ears are getting warmer. It really was quite a ride and it will most likely be quite the ride in the future, but right now I feel home, I feel blessed and I am actually thankful that the journey had so many different twists and turns. Would be boring otherwise, wouldn’t 😉

I have learnt so many things along the way. It is my deep desire to take every one of these learnings and share them with the world. One of my favorite Youtubers, Casey Neustadt, once said:

A life not shared is a life not lived.

So that is what I want to avoid at all costs. That is why from now on I make a promise to myself that I will be as diligent and precise with documenting my journey as possible. Too much has already been lost in the sea of thoughts. This will not happen again.

I just have to decide in the medium. Blogs are where I feel comfortable.

It really is quite crazy how long it took me to make such an easy decision.

Growing Up

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Everything that I thought was real crumbles to pieces.

Sometimes there are moments where I think I am through, the storm from yesterday has passed and I relax again, going slowly after the tasks I want to do.

But this doesn’t work anymore. My life is picking up speed. The chances of yesterday are not coming back. Every woman with whom I haven’t taken that final step, every opportunity to learn something new that I haven’t taken. All of them are gone. All because of two things:

Either it was the thought that there will come another opportunity, lethargy really, and on the other side there was fear. A fear of being seen failing. A fear of being rejected. But really deep down? A fear of the unknown.

It was the fear of my own depth. What would happen? I didn’t know and I didn’t want to do that dive into the unknown. I am a creator and I created myself a safety net. I created myself a job where I didn’t have a lot of responsibilities. And every time when the Moment came where I could have gone into the Unknown… I DIDN’T FUCKING GO.

So many opportunities missed. My inner child is screaming and crying. It just wanted to live and have fun. Have sex with that woman. Go on that bus to Sweden with my friends and see where it takes me.

Now I am in a new phase of my life where I have to adapt more responsibilities and seeing that I have waisted these precious years of my life eats me up alive. I am crying right now.

But is it too late to do these things? Am I limiting myself with beliefs that are not true here? I am 24. I can have many more adventures, if I CHOOSE to do so.

My future is not predetermined. I have read too many things about when people should do what. I can dive into the Unknown in every moment. Every day there are new doors opening.